Shock and Awe

Good god, I thought it was impossible to shock or awe me, a longtime IT worker, in the annals of user stupidity.
Warning, profane rant ahead.
The people at my college-- Jesus. You'd think they have the Midas touch, except everything turns into cowshit. We give them their drive with their backup data on it,and they are back in not a day later, with this confused, bovine look on their faces: "It's not working." Well, what did you do to it? "I put it on my desk."
Really. Really? OH COME THE FUCK ON. You desk, last I checked, could not POSSIBLY have the static electric potential of Latvia, because that what it would take to reduce your drive to the utter mess it's in right now.
90% of computers we get in... "It just stopped working." If it's a Mac, I run my fingers around the edge of the case like I'm petting a kitten, and what do I find? Dents. Blemishes. Bends. Distortions. IT HAS BEEN DROPPED, NOT ONCE, BUT MANY FUCKING TIMES. Do they mention this? No, never.
PCs? Never dropped, actually. Never seen one with physical damage. But the hard drives... jesus. It's like spyware satan has been using it as a combination toilet and gas chamber for six months. Do you, perchance, download one or two gray-area-legality pieces of music or software a month, we ask. "Maybe." OH REALLY. Because, see, I see a folder here labeled "Warez lolololol" and it is 89GB big, and staring me in the face. Do you know what it says? It says "I BELONG TO A FUCKING IDIOT THAT THINKS THE WORLD LOVES ME AND EVERYONE IS A GOOD-HEARTED NICE PERSON." There are people out there who get their kicks from making your computer shit blood and die in your arms from Ebola. They laugh every time a user is told "Sorry, this was a no-recovery." They HATE YOU. And they seed P2P networks, torrent trackers, and file upload sites with horrible, horrible viruses and spyware because they love to make you miserable.
Every time a computer comes in, and already has AVG or spybot, or something on it, I feel like screaming and shaking the owner until I can find out how much their brain sloshes. YOU HAVE THESE PROGRAMS! USE THEM! Good god, it will take an hour to scan your hard drive and clean it of viruses. Holy fucking shit, have you really never watched a movie you hated before? That was TWO hours of your life you wanted back, wasn't it? Whatever shall you do? It isn't like you didn't spend Saturday night stoned half to unconsciousness, giggling like a complete fucktard on some mod's couch. I have never regretted a virus or spyware scan, but I guess I don't value my time very highly, since I spend it fixing the problems of FUCKING IDIOTS LIKE YOU WHO WON'T EVEN HELP THEMSELVES.

And then, maybe once a month, there is a user who gets it. Once came in today, and I swear I felt the touch of an angel, because you know what? She had everything of hers labeled. She had already written out a problem summary with a detailed history, and gave us a drive to back everything up to. I could have wept. You know something? She is getting preferential treatment. Very preferential. As in, I refuse to do another damn thing at work until her computer is in perfect shape.

I have vented. You know, I have another job like this. Except it isn't like this at all, because I get paid three times as much, am half as bored, and never have to deal with this many idiots.
Hooray for the white-collar life, eh?